Private Conversations of Matt and Mello
by LemonHappyHello
Summary: Actual conversations we had as Matt and Mello, that we recorded and put into written form. No plot, just idiocy. Rated M for language. Our Mello has a potty mouth.
1. Conversation 1

WARNING: **This story is beyond retarded. Contains foul language (from Mello), Near bashing (no offense to Near fans), and suggestive yaoi themes. **

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **We were extremely bored one night, and decided to record ourselves on "Mello's" cell phone while we were acting like Mello x Matt…and we decided to transfer it all into a really ridiculous fanfiction. Our characters are super OCC, although we act as though we think Mello x Matt would. There epic crossovers that we will try to reference in notes at the end of the conversations. We both have really crazy laughs…so they are portrayed as best as we could do it.

**DISCLAIMER: **Sadly enough, we do not own Death Note or anything else that we could possibly be sued over.

Every separate conversation will be a new chapter. Each conversation also becomes more stupid as we go along.

* * *

**Matt: **Yeah I got this. _(We were using "Mello's" cell phone and Matt was trying to figure out how to work the Record Audio function.)_

**Mello: **Alright as long as you figured it out.

**Matt: **It's shiny like a video game. That's how I know it's recording.

**Mello: **Is that all you fucking think about?

_*Pause*_

**Matt: **Yeah.

_*Indistinct Conversation Bit*_

**Mello: **Your computer has an STD. _(We were working on a lemon story on "Matt's" laptop (("Mello" was typing")) and for some reason "Matt's" Word program has a thing at the bottom that says STD)._

**Mello: **_*types XXX*_

**Matt: **That's how you get an STD, just type in XXX.

**Mello: **So what were you saying about Near while ago?

**Matt: **Nothing.

**Mello: **Cause I don't appreciate it. If you touch him again I'll kill him.

**Matt: **I said he sucks (_No offense to Near fans.)_donkey balls, man.

**Mello: **If you touch him again I'll kill you, and then I'll kill him.

**Matt: **I didn't touch him. I never touched him.

**Mello: **He's a pansy you know. He would cry at the sight of blood.

**Matt: **He is a pansy. He did cry at the sight of blood.

**Mello: **I'm so much cooler than him!

**Matt: **I know.

**Mello: **I'm better than him!

**Matt: **You are!

**Mello: **Damn right, Matty.

**Matt: **We're gonna kick his butt!

**Mello: **We are. We're going to catch this fucking Kira, okay?

**Matt: **Before Near.

**Mello: **Near will die before we catch Kira.

**Matt: **He will.

**Mello: **Cause I'll kill him.

_*Pause*_

**Mello: **I'M MAD!

**Matt: **Yup.

**Mello: **Right now!!

**Mello: **MATTY!

**Matt: **Yup.

**Mello: **I LOVE YOU!

_*Awkward Pause*_

**Matt: **Love you too, man.

**Mello: **YES!

_(We giggled here XP)_

**Matt: **Near's a little…_*mumble* _pansy.

**Mello: **Wait. What did I just say?

**Matt: **I don't know, dude.

**Mello: **Okay.

**Matt: **Yeah.

**Mello: **Exactly. There's no recording to prove that I just said that.

**Matt: **No. Not at all, man.

**Mello: **Okay.

**Matt: **I so did not hear anything.

**Mello: **Cause I so did not mean that.

**Matt: **This phone is not shiny!

**Mello: **Okay.

**Matt: **The phone is not recording! No. I mean I-I…

**Mello: **Near sucks donkey balls!

**Matt: **Near sucks donkey balls…That's what I've been trying to tell you, man. I saw him do it once.

**Mello: **EW!!!

**Matt: **I know!

**Mello: **That's disgusting! Why did you watch?!

**Matt: **I didn't! I was just walking by and there he was in the courtyard with a donkey. (_Apparently Whammy House has a courtyard.)_

**Mello: **Did he have his toys with him? That would be even creepier if he did.

**Matt: **No.

**Mello: **Good.

**Matt: **Just him and the donkey. So maybe it was that weird kid; the hairy one that came in like a couple of years before we left.

**Mello: **K?

**Matt: **Was he hairy? Okay. Might have been him.

**Mello: **Or Z.

**Matt: **Did he look like a donkey?

**Mello: **Yeah.

**Matt: **It must have been that guy then.

**Mello: **Must have been.

**Matt: **Cause he was standing on two legs. Donkeys don't really do that, do they?

**Mello: **No. Can't say I've ever seen that before.

**Matt: **Unless they're like a trained circus donkey.

**Mello: **I don't know. Never seen one of those really.

**Matt: **Like a bear stands on two legs, like a bear stands on a ball.

**Mello: **I-I don't know. I've never been to the circus, dude.

**Matt: **You've never been to the circus?

**Mello: **I know, and I'm from Russia!

**Matt: **They have circuses in Russia.

**Mello: **I know!

**Matt: **You should've gone to the circus.

**Mello: **I was always with the mob, and was in an orphanage cause my parents left me!

**Matt: **Gah! The mob…_(Matt tends to get jealous when Mello goes off without him…and he's jealous of the men in Mello's mob…)_

**Mello: **I told you. I didn't even go to that meeting today. If I would have went I would've taken you with me.

**Matt: **And you have relatives, man. _(Matt just found out this morning that Mello actually does have living relatives)_

**Mello: **Okay, okay.

**Matt: **I have nobody! I have my video games!

**Mello: **YOU HAVE ME!

**Matt: **I have youuuu.

**Mello: **_*Sighs*_

**Matt: **I don't have any other relatives though.

**Mello: **So I'm not enough am I?

**Matt: **No! Y-You're enough.

_*Silence*_

**Mello: **I'm enough?

**Matt: **You're more than enough, Mello.

**Mello: **Exactly. Damn straight.

**Matt: **_*mumbles* _A little Near on the side.

**Mello: **If I find out you touched him, I will kill both of you.

**Matt: **_*whispers* _Far. _(We also previously decided that Mello doesn't like hearing Near's name, so we call him Far sometimes instead.)_

**Mello: **Yes, cause we don't use the name: N-E-A-R.

_*Slight Pause*_

**Mello: **I CAN SPELL, MATTY!!!

**Matt: **FAR!!!

**Mello: **You're a retard.

**Matt: **Too many video games, man… Your car is possessed again. _("Mello's" lights were "mysteriously" coming on and off while we were outside sitting in said car.)_

**Mello: **No it's not. My foot keeps hitting the switch.

**Matt: **Why don't you sit like a normal person?

**Mello: **Cause I don't like it!

**Matt: **I gotta pee.

**Mello: **Well go.

**Matt: **Do I have to sit down again? _(Matt asks this because previously the two had gone out dressed as women "for a mission for Mello's mafia.") _

**Mello: **No, no. We're at private headquarters now. You can do what you want. Whatever.

**Matt: **Okay.

**Mello: **You're incognito for whatever reason, but you know.

**Matt: **Cause it makes me feel pretty ^_^

_*Lots of Laughter* (Like seriously we couldn't breathe!) _

**Matt: **Mello doesn't giggle.

**Mello: **I can't help it.

_*More Giggles*_

**Matt: **I'm sure Matt doesn't giggle either, but I do…Cause I'm a cool Matt.

**Mello: **Okay! Now go pee, so I can write this. _(Referring to the lemon we are collaborating on.) _

**Matt: **I-I can't! It's kinda blocked, so I'm not worried about it.

**oOEndOo**

**Closing Notes: **Yes. None of it made sense, we know. Our first lemon story should be posted (separately) soon! ^_^

And at the end, we're not really sure what we were talking about O.o

Have a great day :D


	2. Conversation 2

_**Matt: **__I don't know. I guess you'd just have to see the image in my head. Do you see the image in my head?_

_**Mello: **__Yeah, I-I'm getting there, yeah. _

_*Indistinct mumbling & random laughs*_

**Matt: **Z looks like a donkey. I didn't want K to look like a donkey. You know, Mr. K from Gravitation. 

**Mello: **Yeah. 

**Matt: **He's cool.

**Mello: **I thought you said you didn't watch it.

_*Pause*_

**Matt: **I didn't.

_*Another Pause*_

**Mello: **What?

**Matt: **Nothing.

**Mello: **Are you recording?

**Matt: **No. I'm not.

**Mello: **Then why won't you give me the phone??

**Matt: **Cause. I like it. It's shiny.

**Mello: **_*Sighs*_

**Matt: **It makes me feel pretty ^_^

**Mello: **I thought you said you watched Ouran High School Host Club?

**Matt: **I did…not. 

**Mello: **While ago when we were at the W.M. 

**Matt: **Did I?

**Mello: **You did…You started talking about an episode. 

**Matt: **Yes….No I didn't.

**Mello: **Yes, you did! W-when my teeth were…

**Matt: **OH YEAH!!! About the little blonde kid, Mori. 

**Mello:** Yeah….No…The little blonde kid is Honey. 

**Matt: **How do you know?

_*Pause*_

**Mello: **You told me! D-Don't you remember? _(Yes, Mello tends to stutter sometimes…)_

**Matt: **I don't think so.

**Mello: **Apparently you did, because like y-you…

**Matt: **Hi.

**Mello: **Matty…

**Matt: **Yes, Mel-LO.

_*Pause…Mello can be heard fighting back laughter in the background*_

**Mello: **Don't make me giggle like a girl. 

**Matt: **Those estrogen pills you took the other day when we were incognito. 

**Mello: **Okay! Near told me that I could take them and they wouldn't…

**Matt: **OH! You were talking to Near!

**Mello: **Wait! NO! GRRR!

**Matt: **You were talking to Near…

**Mello: **At least I wasn't doing dirty things with him like you were. 

**Matt: **I haven't lately. 

**Mello: **Lately?!?!

**Matt: **Ever…

**Mello: **Exactly….That would be like child rape you know? You pedophile.

**Matt: **Waittt…Isn't he like 18?

**Mello: **He is?

**Matt: **Isn't he?

**Mello: **He is?

**Matt: **I don't know! Is he?

**Mello: **What's his number?

**Matt: **He has a phone?!?!

**Mello: **Well I could always call Roger. 

**Matt: **WHO THE HECK IS ROGER??!?!

**Mello: **Gah. You know, you went to Whammy's!! You should know!

**Matt: **I've been playing video games for the last five years! ….Is that they guy that told us L was dead?

**Mello: **Yes…

**Matt: **Oh..

**Mello: **You weren't actually in the room when he told us…

**Matt: **No, I mean, he came into like the cafeteria, or whatever the heck we eat in, and told us. 

**Mello: **Yeah…the cafeteria…Whammy's is like a school…

**Matt: **The lunchroom…

**Mello: **Which I mean, you didn't do very well in school. I'm surprised you're fucking third, dude. 

**Matt: **Cause I'm awesome ^_^ I would be number one, if I weren't so lazy. 

**Mello: **I believe you…but not about the number one part.

**Matt: **Number two…

**Mello: **Exactly….Cause who's better?

**Matt: **Mello.

**Mello: **That's right…Who kicks more ass?

**Matt: **Mello.

**Mello: **That's right. And who goes through hell just so we can keep up this re-la-tion-shiiiii….

**Matt: **Mello? O.o

**Mello: **Damn straight!

**Matt: **So we can keep up the re-la-ga-ur-uh. 

**Mello: **The "R."

**Matt: **Awesome…Why does everyone have abbreviated nicknames?

**Mello: **Because of KIRA!!!

**Matt: **Oh yeah, I forget that. 

**Mello: **He'll kill us all with our real names!!

**Matt: **You're so smart, Mello. ^_^

**Mello: **I HATE Kira. 

**Matt: **Everyone hates Kira, except for Kira.

**Mello: **Except Misa Misa. 

**Matt: **Misa Misa? Doesn't she love him?

**Mello: **She does. He killed the person that killed her parents. 

**Matt: **How do you know that? 

**Mello: **Did you not read anything of L's records that he left behind? 

**Matt: **No, no I don't.

**Mello: **Actually they weren't left behind, because Watari deleted them…AH! Damn….

**Matt: **Continuity. 

**Mello: **Well Near knows and I had to do things…that I am not proud of…to find them out. 

_*Silence*_

**Matt: **Yaz…_(Apparently Mello had a fling with Yazoo from FFVII….and Matty doesn't like it)_

**Mello: **I told you not to bring him up. I'm sensitive about that….

**Matt: **And we're running out of time…

**Mello: **FUCK!!!!!!

**Matt: **And I was recording that…

oOEndOo


	3. Conversation 3

Author's notes: Contains spoilers of the death like nature. Also contains much retardedness... Beware!! o.O

* * *

**Matt: **Record.

**Mello: **You're just ~~dreaming~~

**Matt: **Did you have my special herbal cigarettes again?

**Mello: **I don't smoke Matty.

**Matt: **You did earlier.

**Mello: **Did you put that stuff in my chocolate? Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE!?! _

**Matt: **I don't make chocolate.

**Mello: **Chocolate!!!!!!

**Matt: **I didn't make those brownies.

**Mello: **I'm dead.

**Matt: **Again?! _Mello glares at Matt _For the first time?!

**Mello: **At least I didn't get shot down by cops. I got killed by a slut.

**Matt: **I died cool man.

**Mello: **I know that bitch killed me.

**Matt: **Yeah.

**Mello: **You died like that! _snaps fingers _OK?!

**Matt: **I did n-

**Matt: **It took like 40 seconds for you to die.

**Matt: **It took! It took! It took like 50 thousand bullets to kill me!!

**Mello: **At least I tried to drive the truck away!!

**Mello: **And you used your last breath to-

**Matt: **I smoked a cigarette man!!

**Mello: **Smoke a cigarette.

**Matt: **That's right. And I'd do it again! Except probably not die... if I did it again. I wouldn't have gotten out of that car.

**Mello: **Matty...

**Matt: **I shouldn't have gotten out of that car...

**Mello: **Matty!

**Matt: **But then you would have died and left me alone...

**Mello: **Matty!!

**Matt: **What? What? What? What? What?

**Mello: **Let's not talk about death ok?

**Matt: **But it's cool...

**Mello: **In video games. Ok.

**Matt: **Shinigami.

**Mello: **Shinigami?

**Matt: **Redo.

_giggle_

**Mello: **What's a, what's a shinigami? Isn't that like a Death God?

**Matt: **Yeah. Hello? Japan. Shinigami. We say Japanese words. Rhymes with Yagami. Did you ever think about that?

**Mello: **Hmmm... As I suspect Yagami Light is Kira...

**Matt: **Yeah.

**Mello: **You know I- I really think he is.

**Matt: **I know. Is he?

**Mello: **Near's assumption is right. That's the only thing I can agree with Near on.

Bastard...

**Matt: **Yeah. Pansy.

**Mello: **Loser.

**Matt: **Doo doo face.

**Mello: **Shit head.

_giggles_

**Matt: **Home Sweet Home is Whammy House. _the song playing in the background was Motley Crue's Home Sweet Home_

**Mello: **That's right. Nowhere else I'd rather be. Long as I'm with you Matty, it'll be alright.

**Matt: **Ohhhhh.... Mello... blush... blushy face...

**Mello: **I didn't mean that by the way.

**Matt: **Oh.

**Mello: **I just said something...

**Matt: **You suuuuck.

**Mello: **Yes I do. Actually I don't, I'm more the dominant type.

**Matt: **Not even a little?

**Mello: **Don't get your hopes up man.

**Matt: **Man. Near does...

**Mello: **Seriously?

**Matt: **You suck.

**Mello: **No I don't.

**Matt: **FIGuratively...

**Mello: **_giggles _Where'd you learn that big word Matty?

**Matt: **Big word... I know!! In one of my games...

**Mello: **Which one?

**Matt: **Uh... the one...

**Mello: **Super Super Kill Brothers?

**Matt: **Yeah!

**Mello: **Really?

**Matt: **That one. They have fancy vocabulary.

**Mello: **That's the stupidest name for a game I've ever heard in my life.

**Matt: **Super Super Kill... Brothers? o.O

**Mello: **Yeah.

**Matt: **Face Punch.

**Mello: **Ah, interesting.

**Matt: **Put your gun down or I'll shoot your... head off... What's he say?

**Mello: **Your freakin' head off.

**Matt: **Your freakin' head off.

**Mello: **Face Punch. No, you put your gun down or I'm gonna shoot your freakin' head off.

**Matt and Mello: **Both of you put your guns down or I'm gonna shoot both your freakin' heads off!

**Mello: **Man, that movie was great.

**Matt: **That was AWEsome.

**Mello: **That was the coolest movie I've ever seen.

**Matt: **Blood and... junk everywhere...

**Mello: **Bad actors.

**Matt: **Shyaa...

**Mello: **I've never seen a better movie.

**Matt: **Like us. Baaaaad...

**Mello: **Like you.

**Matt: **Bad man. To the bone.

**Mello: **Bad, bad as in good?

**Matt: **Yeah.

**Mello: **Bad as in hot?

_*pause*_

**Matt: **Ok...

**Mello: **Excuse me?

**Matt: **Huh?

**Mello: **Everyone knows I'm sexier than Near, ok?

**Matt: **Yeah, totally man, yeah. That blonde bob cut man, that was just, that was hooooooot...

**Mello: **_giggles _I've never seen you more sarcastic in my life. _giggles_

**Matt: **It took a lot of energy man.

**Mello: **I believe you.

.

.

**Mello: **Why is my text blue?

**Matt: **Cuz...

**Mello: **I don't like blue!!

**Matt: **Why?

**Mello: **I like yellow.

**Matt: **But blue's cool.

**Mello: **I like yellow.

**Matt: **It goes with yellow... they're prime colors.

**Mello: **Prom colors? o.O

**Matt: **Primary... Yeah, primary.

**Mello: **I'm surprised you know these words Matty.

**Matt: **I told you, video games are good man. Like, Doctor... Doctor Vocabulary. Or something like that. I played a game like that... I think. Dr. Math... Dr. Science... I dunno...

**Mello: **So, you know that, that A is ranked right below you right?

**Matt: **Huh? Who's A?

**Mello: **You've never met A?

**Matt: **We have an A?

**Mello: **He's the one you have to fight to keep your position at Whammy's.

OOFinOo

**Yeaaaah... It sounded like Mello may have been trying to establish a storyline at the end... The recording cut off and poof! Storyline go bye bye ^.^ See you next time!**


	4. Conversation 4

_Author's Notes: _So yes. This edition of P.C. of MxM includes: More Queen, Bleach, Gravitation, Naruto, Great Britain….etc. We mean no offense to anyone, and we own nothing that we could get sued over………Thanks for the fav's so far ^.^

* * *

**Matt: **All we hear is radio gaga, radio googoo, radio blah blah... gaga... Radio gaga, radio blah blah yes Matt is singing along with a Queen song... Radio GaGa to be exact

_loud obnoxious noises_

**Mello: **What are you doing?

**Matt: **I'm dropping stuff.

**Mello: **Don't drop shit.

**Matt:** I didn't, I dropped _stuff_.

**Mello:** Are you recording now?

**Matt:** No.

**Mello:** Are you recording?

**Matt:** No.

**Mello:** Yes you are.

**Matt:** No I'm not.

**Mello:** Yes you are.

**Matt: **No I'm not.

**Mello: **Blah blah blah

**Matt:** It's gagaga... radio gaga...

_Loud obnoxious noises_

**Mello: **Quit throwing my stuff around!

_more noises_

**Matt: **It just jumped out of my hand.

**Mello: **Be glad that wasn't my gun you were messing around with.

**Matt: **Just be glad it wasn't my little GameBoy thingamajiggy.

_long pause_

**Matt: **I coulda broken that and then I woulda cried.

**Mello: **Mhm.

_longer pause_

**Matt: **Yeah, you smoke that.

**Mello: **That's right.

**Matt: **That sounded dirty.

**Mello: **It does. I can't believe I'm smoking Matty.

**Matt: **Peer pressure man.

**Mello: **Yeah, the definite peer pressure wa--- recording cut off

-

-

-

**Matt: **It was on pause! _Now_ it's recording.

**Mello: **I wonder what all we got.

**Matt: **TOTally missed the ankle scratching.

**Mello: **That's the funniest part....

**Matt: **And Me-Ma... I think we missed that.

**Mello: **I dunno. Matty.

**Matt: **Yes Mello.

**Mello: **You're too tech-tarded to be a gamer.

**Matt: **Hey...

**Mello: **You are.

**Matt: **That hurts man.

**Mello: **You call yourself a gamer and yet you're tech-tarded.

_indistinct babbling_

**Mello: **It's a cell phone Matty!! A PHONE!!! Just because it doesn't have people you can

kill on it doesn't mean you- actually it does have people you can kill on it... Not that I've tried.

**Matt: **I want you to know Mello that your words hurt me.

**Mello: **My words hurt you?

**Matt: **Yes they do.

**Mello: **I can make them worse! If you really want me to I can.

**Matt: **You're just trying to drive me back into Byakuya's arms aren't you? yes our Matt has a thing for Bleach's Byakuya... Don't judge me!!

**Mello: **Byakuya is over you ok?! He doesn't love you, he never did.

**Mello: **He's too stoic for you.

**Matt: **Oh, so you're saying I'm not good enough for him?!

**Mello: **You're not his type!

**Matt: **I could be quiet. I could be serious.

**Mello: **Bull shit!

**Matt: **Ju-j-j-j- mm.

**Mello: **You miss him.

**Matt: **Yeah, when you're mean to me I do.

**Mello: **You miss him.

**Matt: **You're mean to me.

**Mello: **You miss him.

**Matt: **You're mean to me.

**Mello: **You miss him.

**Matt: **You're mean to me!

_giggle_

**Mello: **And you're tech-tarded. Better than being a offense Naruto fans I'd rather have you be tech-tarded, honestly.

**Matt: **It still hurts man.

**Mello: **It's a fucking cell phone, Matty.

**Matt: **Hurts man.

**Mello: **Cell phone.

**Matt: **It hurts!!

**Mello: **Cell phone!!

**Matt: **Like the dickens!!

**Mello:** _random weird noises _O.o

**Matt: **o.O? That wasn't anything!

**Mello: **I was cursing you in Russian.

**Matt: **That was _not_ Russian!

_Mello giggles_

**Matt: **... Am I British? (Just FYI: Matt's a new fan-girl. He doesn't know everything yet)

**Mello: **_while giggling _Yes...

**Matt: **Ok... Should I be talking British like?

**Mello: **If you wish.

**Matt: **I'll be all like, like, like... London... ish... .

**Mello: **If you want to. I mean...

**Matt: **I should have... tea and crumpets.

**Mello: **Whammy's House is in London...

**Matt: **What's Near?

**Mello: **Near's probably British... or American...

**Matt: **What's A?

**Mello: **A is what you want him to be.

**Matt: **Who is A? I still haven't met him...

**Mello: **He's fourth ranked ok?

**Matt: **Z looks like a donkey.

**Mello: **Yes _giggles _And L was the greatest person who ever lived.

**Matt: **He looked like a panda ^.^

**Mello: **He did... a very very sexy panda...

**Matt: **Yeah... Totally man.

**Mello: **mmm, he so was a panda...

**Matt: **_clears throat_... dude?

**Mello: **Huh?

**Matt: **o.o K...

**Mello: **K? Who's K?

**Matt: **I dunno.

**Mello: **K is hot. Have you ever seen K? That blonde hair...

**Matt: **Who are all these people???

**Mello: **You've never seen K? He's the sexiest one there besides me and you... I mean seriously.

**Matt: **Was he an orphan too?

**Mello: **Yeah. I think he's married now... His name's Clau--- K...

**Matt: **You're just gonna get everyone killed man. You keep, like, slipping on real names.

... Mi-ha-he-Mello.

**Mello: **deep sigh

**Matt: **That's right...

Save me. I can't take this life alone. Save me, save me, save me. You're staring at the computer screen. _Matt was singing along with the chorus of yet another Queen song, Save Me... and yes, even though the last part is not the actual lyrics, it was sung in the same tune_

**Mello: **Also, uh, also your computer is about to die.

**Matt: **It's only at 25%. Someone wrote it's name in the DeathNote!!!

**Mello: **Matty, what's a DeathNote?

**Matt: **I dunno. You're the one who was telling me about it.

**Mello: **No, I---

**Matt: **Yeah, you know, you and your mafia buddies.

**Mello: **I never said anything about---

**Matt: **And you had that notebook, and you wrote somebody's name in it and they died...

**Mello: **Um, no, no---

**oOFinOo**


	5. Conversation 5

**Matt: **Did it? Where?

**Mello:** Right at the top. I said shit _indistinct muttering_

**Matt:** Why?

**Mello:** In the story!

**Matt:** I missed it though...

**Mello:** I was angry at you for not doing the fucking dishes.

**Matt:** ... Ok. I accept that.

**Mello: **I hate you.

**Matt:** I love me. ^_^

_long silence_

**Matt:** Oh I see it now!! Ok.

**Mello:** Right there _points to computer screen_. Geez.

**Matt: **hahaha. Gotcha. "Adding soap to the warm water". Are you pasting?

**Mello:** Trying. There it goes.

**Mello:** Wow, right down here. _we laughed... I'm sure something humorous happened_

**Matt:** Wow.

_Mello smashes the delete button_

**Matt:** Eliminate! Eliminate! Eliminate! Eliminate!!

**Mello:** Deletedeletedeletedeltedelete!!!

**Matt:** Weird _yawn_

**Mello:** It's not moving.

**Matt:** Weird man.

**Mello:** Fuck Matt. _hysterical giggling_

**Matt:** Out of control. And you think you're so strong. But you can't st-nu-la-bah...

I don't know the words. Do about it. Oooooo. oo. Resevoir Dogs. (o.O?) I never saw that. _again, singing along with a Queen song, Headlong. Our Matt is a Queen fan apparently._

_pause_

**Matt:** It makes it look like you wrote a lot.

**Mello:** I know but it's really not that much.

**Matt:** No... Why do you use such big font?

**Mello:** Cause I like to be able to read it better.

**Matt:** You can't read that?

**Mello:** Not as good as some people could.

**Matt:** I thought you had better eyesight.

**Mello:** I probably do but I still can't read. DAMMIT!

**Matt:** _giggle_ Can't read...

**Matt:** _in a stupid(er) voice_ I learned to read!

_Mello:_ There.

**Matt:** Riiiiiiight.

_giggling_

**Mello: **A giggly word...

**Matt:** Giggly word haha. Private Pocky stick...

**Mello:** Can you believe that's still there?

**Matt:** And it's gonna BE there until we post it. And then we'll change it like right before we post it.

**Mello:** If we remember.

**Matt:** If we don't oh well.

**Mello:** It'll be amusing.

**Mello:** Alright.

**Matt:** Vigorously. _big yawn_ Oh man.

**Mello:** Don't you start that.

**Matt:** What?

**Mello:** No yawning.

**Matt:** I couldn't help it. I'm a gamer. I have to drink like 50 dozen redbulls... or something like it... and it's cold. You know your blood slows down when it's cold?

**Mello:** Yeah...

**Matt:** That makes you sleepy when your blood slows down... Makes for a cleaner killing too. Like in a book I read one time.

**Mello:** Hm... _can you tell Mello wasn't really paying attention?_

**Matt:** He did that... He killed like, child molesters and stuff. It was pretty neat. He had a refrigerated truck. He'd stick them in there and let their blood slow down and stuff. And then he'd cut them. Cause he was, he was, he was...

**Mello:** _looks at phone_ You're recording this?

**Matt:** Am I? I dunno. Anyway, he was like a neat freak or OCD or something like that. He

couldn't stand blood... but he was a police detective... a blood splatter analyst.

**Mello:** Wow...

**Matt:** Dude, it's pretty cool.

**Mello:** Mhm.

**Matt:** I wanted to be like that. But then I remembered I don't really care enough.

**Mello:** You're a gamer, Matty. You can't. It's not you.

**Matt:** Exactly. I don't care enough to do that.

**Mello:** It's just not you.

**Matt:** I'm lazy.

**Mello:** You're weird Matty.

**Matt:** I like video games.

**Mello: **Argh! This is irritating. _referring to a story we're writing_

**Matt:** If it were in video game form, I'd be all over it.

_pause_

**Mello:** I can't find the lighter.

**Matt:** The lighter's in the box.

**Mello:** Should be... Arigatou

**Matt:** ... You're welcome.

_Mello looks at Matt oddly_

**Matt:** I'm British I can speak English man.

**Mello:** _XD_ I'm British I speak English! Epic fail!

**Matt:** _laughing_ That's what I do.

**Mello: **That's what Mello said.


	6. Conversation 6

**Author's Notes: We just want everyone to know that we are not trying to offend anyone in any way in this conversation. We are merely making fun of our own bad fake accents ^.^**

**Matt: **I'm talking British now. ::yes, Matt's using a British accent this time around::

**Mello: **When I try to talk Russian I sound French.

**Matt: **That's because your Russian accent- what the heck was that? ::the accent got away

from Matt::

**Mello: **Australian?

**Matt: **Russian ::it sounded funny::

**Mello: **Scottish? You sounded Scottish.

**Matt: **It's like Sean Connery.

**Mello: **Oh my God!

**Matt: **There was one time- there was- there was- there was one time ::Matt was trying to get the British accent back:: I was trying to be like Ricky Ricardo, and I ended up sounding like Sean Connery instead.

**Matt: **This is my British accent.

**Mello: **It's pretty good.

**Matt: **Thank you, I try.

**Mello: **I sound French every time I try to sound Russian.

**Matt: **It's ok. You don't have to be Russian. ::again, Russian was said very weirdly.:: Ru-

Russian. Rooshian. Russian! I know what you are ::said American like::. I mean! What

you are ::said British like::.

**Mello: **I knowest what thou are.

::our crazy laughter::

**Mello: **That laugh sounded oddly American.

**Matt: **Oh, ha ha ha... ::I guess Matt was trying to laugh like Stewie from Family Guy::

**Matt: **Oh baby. Oh baby. Oh baby. ::old Rocko's Modern Life reference::

::Mello cackling::

**Matt: **Rocko?

**Matt & Mello: **Mrs. Bighead?!

::laughter again::

**Matt: **Now the Australians will be offended. Offended ::getting the accent back::.

**Mello: **It's ok.

**Matt: **I'm pushing buttons.

**Mello: **Matt. Matty.

**Matt: **Mello?

**Mello: **I can't say Matty. Matty!

**Matt: **Yes Mello?

**Mello: **Aye!

**Matt: **I? ::drawn out... o.O::

::hysterical laughing::

**Mello: **What the fuck was that?

**Matt: **I don't know.

**Mello: **What the fuck was that?!

::still laughing::

**Matt: **Have you ever seen WhatTheBuck do his British accent?

**Mello: **Can't say I have.

::Mello giggling::

**Matt: **Poor Matt.

**Mello: **I love Matt.

**Matt: **I do too but... I make him sound gay.

::giggling::

**Mello: **And British.

**Matt: **And British.

::laughing again::

**Matt: **A poor British accent.

**Mello: **It's ok. I make Mello sound completely American.

**Matt: **I think I should stick with an American accent for Matt.

**Mello: **I do believe you should.

**Matt: **Mel- Matt. Yes I'm Matt.

**Mello: **::laughing:: Oh my God...

**Matt: **Although it is kind of fun talking like this now.

**Mello: **Oye!

**Matt: **Aye!

**Mello: **That's the only thing I'm gonna say.

**Mello: **Oye old chap. I have a friend in New Zealand. ::now Mello's getting in on the accent

fun XD::

**Matt: **New Zealand you say?

**Mello: **New Zealand I say.

**Matt: **New Zealand.

**Mello: **New Zeal-and. ::we're really not on crack…::

**Matt: **Do they have horses in New Zealand?

**Mello: **I believe they do.

**Matt: **What kind of horses? ::I don't know... I think it's fun saying horse with a British accent::

**Mello: **I don't know. I will have to ask her.

**Matt: **Awesome.

**Matt: **Let's go ride the lift and smoke our fags while holding torches.

**Mello: **That's right.

**Matt: **Fish and chips and tea and crumpets and all that jazz.

**Mello: **Tally ho and all that rot.

**Matt: **Pip pip.

::stuttering, followed by hysterics again::

**Matt: **"Mello chewed on his lower lip..." I did? No you're Mello... I'm Matt. Your herbal cigarettes are getting to my head.

**Mello: **Aye. You're the smoker.

**Matt: **But you're... you're smoking the herbal fags.

**Mello: **More than once.

**Matt: **Those dang hippy's.

**Mello: **Sometimes in the same sitting.

**Matt: **Oh. Kinky...

**Mello: **::laugh:: Hi

**Matt: **::laughing as well:: Hi

**Mello: **Hi...

**Matt: **It's Japanese British, hai.

**Mello: **Hai

**Mello: **Arigatou.

**Matt: **Arigatou.

::loud obnoxious laughter::

**Matt: **I don't know what that was!

**Matt: **That sounded like a Dutch ari- arigatou. I dunno.

**Mello: **I can do Dutch, I can do the Dutch.

**Mello: **My name is Helga I come from Sweden.

**Matt: **Sweden.

**Mello: **I'm Mello I come from Sweden. We have good chocolate.

::no clue what is said here::

**Matt: **Oh you do don't you?

**Mello: **Watch the car.

oOEndOo


	7. Conversation 7

**Matt:** You have mad typing skills man.

**Mello:** I know right.

**Matt:** A. Oh, you're A? Screw off.

**Mello:** Are we recording?

**Matt:** No.

**Mello:** Yes we are.

**Matt:** Well we have to record these little... nuggets of brilliance in case something cracks the Kira case.

**Mello:** Yeah...

**Matt:** ::_big yawn:: _What was that? Oh. Shadow. Sorry... paranoia.

**Mello:** Hmmmm... those herbal cigarette's are doing it to you man.

**Matt:** You shouldn't have smoked them.

**Mello:** Shut up. I want another.

**Matt:** Really?

**Mello:** Mhm.

**Matt:** I got the pack right there.

**Mello:** I gets it in a minute.

o.O

**Mello:** That sounded really gay...

**Matt:** You "gets" it? O.o WOW Mello...

**Mello:** I know, sorry. Near talks...

**Matt:** Near?_ ::in a teasing tone:: _When were you talking to Near?

**Mello:** I wasn't.

**Matt:** I thought you hated Near.

**Mello:** I wasn't talking to him.

**Matt:** Are you-

**Mello:** I do hate him!

**Matt:** Are you-

**Mello:** I HATE HIM!

**Matt:** Are you starting to like those little-

**Mello:** I hate that albino freak!

**Matt:** Those little pouty lips and big... round eyes...? The-

**Mello:** You sound like you enjoy him...

**Matt:** l...little weird albino kid!

**Mello:** I don't like him. I hate him, I wish he were dead.

**Matt:** With his freaky curly hair.

**Mello:** I'm going to win.

**Matt:** So soft...

**Mello:** He has hair like Gintoki.

**Matt:** Smooth... and shiny...

**Mello:** I miss Gintoki...

**Matt:** Who's Gintoki?

**Mello:** Gin-Gin- you don't know about Gin... ::_said in a sing-song voice... yeah I don't_

_know why either::_ I was singing that. Oh my God! We should sing! Hey mister! Do you need a job?!

**Matt:** Who me?

**Mello:** Yes you!

**Matt:** Yeah I need a job! ::_... yeah... that's about a dream Matt had once... I apologize...::_

**Matt:** Whoa.

**Mello:** Ok.

**Mello:** Saying that a while ago it sounded like I was singing.

**Matt:** It did. It did sound like you were singing. Very nice man.

**Mello:** Hm.

**Matt:** Classy.

**Mello:** "You don't know about Gin". You only know about Byakuya..."_ ::yep, Mello's still singing.::_

That's all you know. ::_no more singing T-T::_

**Matt:** Whaaaaaaa... Wha? Byakuya?

**Mello:** You know nothing.

**Matt:** And you?

**Mello**: No. Jeevas no!

**Matt:** Where did you get Jeevas from?

**Mello:** I- I- I'm not sure man.

**Matt:** You weirdo.

**Mello:** JEEvas. JeeVAs. I said Jesus.

**Matt:** It's Jeevas. Jeeves. ::_starting up with the British again::_

**Mello:** Matt.

**Matt:** Jeeves the butler.

**Mello:** Matty!

**Matt:** Mel-lo.

**Mello:** Matty!

**Matt:** Me-llo.

**Mello:** We are so gay Matty.

**Matt:** Yes.

**Mello:** We are.

**Matt:** We're fabulous.

**Mello:** We are.

**Matt:** That's a gay word.

**Mello:** It is. Very gay. Super is very gay.

**Matt:** Super?

**Mello:** We are amazing. ::_no more British::_

**Matt:** Since when is super. Super is a gay word?

**Mello:** Super is gay.

**Matt:** Superman is not gay, and he has super in his name.

**Mello:** I think he's gay.

**Matt:** It's the tights.

**Mello:** With Batman.

**Matt:** Ah, ha, now Batman's not gay.

**Mello:** How do you know Batman's not gay? He runs around with that little Robin guy...

**Matt:** Oh, no you're right. I remember seeing him tying him up a couple of times.

**Mello:** Yeah. Don't you know Matty?

**Matt:** I think he's bi.

**Mello:** Possibly.

**Matt:** Wait no, Superman had Lois Lane. Batman had nobody. Yeah he's gay.

**Mello:** Batman, no Batman... Have you ever seen the Dark Knight?!

**Matt:** Was that a video game?

**Mello:** No. It was a movie, but I'm sure there's a game for it.

**Matt:** Why didn't I play it?

**Mello:** ...o.O I don't know Matty.

**Matt:** Is it an American game?

**Mello:** No I'm pretty sure it is.

**Matt:** I might not play American games. I dunno. I haven't developed as a character enough yet...

**Mello:** Oh but you enjoy that Final Fantasy.

**Matt:** That's Japanese man.

**Mello:** Mhm. It's all those men.

**Matt:** That's right.

**Mello:** Excuse me?

**Matt:** Nothing.

**Mello:** What?

**Matt:** What?

**Mello:** Yeah nothing is what you said.

**Matt:** Yes I said nothing.

**Mello:** Yeah, yeah you better keep it that way.

**Matt:** I never say anything.

**Mello:** FUCK MATTY! Damn.

**Matt:** Kah... potty - mouth.

**Mello:** Don't judge me.

**Matt:** I don't. I'm just saying. I pointed it out. That's all.

**Mello:** So. How's Byakuya?

**Matt:** I wouldn't know.

**Mello:** You sure about that?

**Matt:** ::_insert raspberry sound effect::_

**Mello:** Hm. I think you do know.

**Matt:** How's Near?

**Mello:** I don't know, I hate Near.

**Matt:** You've been talking to him lately apparently.

**Mello:** No I haven't.

**Matt:** Oh, ha ha ha ha.

**Mello:** No, no, never.

**Matt:** ... Those big round eyes... so shiny. That cute little button nose...

**Mello:** Hey!! We were talking about your relationship with Byakuya.

**Matt:** He's got a cute little button nose...

**Mello:** Kuchiki Byakuya ::_said in a very bizarre tone::_


End file.
